In the interest of keeping it real, I must confess that I feel a sense of guilt right now. It's strange and I know it's not appropriate at all but I feel bad for adopting Sofia who is doing really well and is not in as bad of shape as so many other children here.
I know this is really a ridiculous thing to say but it's how I'm feeling right now. Sofia seems happy and content, she is very healthy and robust and she is not in any pain or suffering. In her groupa, there are so many that are so much worse. One little girl in particular is breaking my heart. I found out today her name is Liza (prounounced "Lee-zah") and she is probably closer to 2 or 3 years old (probably 15 lbs at the most) and has a slash across her forehead (a new injury) and a bed sore on the back of her head. She has Down syndrome and she suffers from an extreme strabismus and literally rolls around on the hard crib surface all day long and shakes her legs and arms to entertain herself. A few rare times she has made eye contact with me and has smiled as well as waved. My heart absolutely breaks for her. She is the one that most of the time is just fed her bottle without even being held. The staff just lean over the crib and hold the bottle up for her to drink. All I want to do is hold her. I'm tempted to ask them tomorrow if I can. I'm in tears just thinking about her right now.
I won't even begin to talk about the others in need in her groupa. Too many. I think I look at Liza because it would have been just as easy for me to pick her. Or precious Anna...I ache for her but I'm certain a family will come for her very soon. Liza is NOT on Reece's Rainbow and if there is anything I can do to get her on there I will. I plan on asking Marina next time we see her if we can get her basic information and get her on the website.
I know we are saving Sofia and she is just as worthy as any other child but these children are not as well off as her and I fear that that will scare people away from wanting to adopt them. Should I have found a child less fortunate to save? The circumstances of me finding Sofia that day in December were not anything that I planned. It just happened and I found myself drawn to her and to adoption for the first time in my life. Now, I see the gravity of the situation here and I am deeply affected by it.
For now, I will do my best to share these children's stories and to spread the word. It's all I can do right now. And I will try and shake the guilt I feel inside. I will focus on our task at hand and save Sofia.