Written by Hector...
Today was a beautiful spring day, the sun was out and we got to take Sofia out in the sun for the first time. She got to wear her new pink polka dot coat, and those ugly blue ski pants. (P.S. Sarah and Sean if you are reading this I'm sure you will relate!) She had to be so bundled up it was hard to hold her. Here it is very old fashioned and the "babushkas" put so many layers and hats covering ears on the kids just to go outside and play...it's 70 degrees out today!
We had two great visits with her today and Jen and I already feel so much better about Sofia and I believe that the bonding is starting to happen.
Yesterday was a very long difficult day, one that I won't ever forget. I remember having these kind of feelings before, an indescribable sense of loneliness and helplessness. The train ride to Dnipropetrovsk was very surreal, I thought about my mom a lot. She loves trains, trains have a very special place in our family since my grandfather was a train engineer and he died in a train crash when she was very little. On our way over to the orphanage with Marina I kept thinking that it all felt like we were in a movie, crossing the Dnieper river, the contrast of the city against this very poor part of town with its unkept buildings and streets full of potholes and the foreign looking signs all over.
When we arrived in Ukraine a few days ago, I had already had my moment of panic. I was homesick, missing my boys to death and the anticipation of meeting this baby which I knew nothing about. I didn't say anything to Jen because I didn't want her to feed off my thoughts and only one is allowed to go crazy at a time. That night I couldn't sleep and I kept praying for God to give me clarity, to remind me we are doing His work and that our three boys will learn so much from this experience. I, too, was on a personal emotional roller coaster ride.
After meeting Sofia yesterday, the anxiety was overwhelming. I could sense that Jen was a little bit disappointed and that broke my heart. It was hard to see it because she has been the power source of this entire journey and every time I would have doubts, she was there to settle my heart. But yesterday we both felt out of place, it was one of those moments were everything is out of balance. I think it was important to realize how difficult this process is and to bond and hold each other's hand and let the emotions come out.
Yesterday during the head nurse visit, they gave us a rundown of Sofia's medical history. That was a moment of clarity for me. The nurse told us that Sofia has never had a visitor in her whole life. It made me so sad to think that this little baby has no one other than the people that work here. It makes me so happy that, even thought she doesn't know it yet, her life is about to change forever.
Today we had two GREAT visits and I can't wait to take this baby home to a place where SO many people already love her and will always come to visit her!